Currently, we are en route to the midwest for the first leg of our cross-country tour.
WARNING: This post is about to get honest and possibly emotional. As we drive, I tend to get very pensive and, on occasion, depressed. I believe I suffer from what I term OMOS (odd man out syndrome) where even when I am involved and included in anything from dinner with friends to a party or most social situations I automatically feel like the odd-man out.
If I am to be honest, I have felt like this since I was a child. I partly atribute this to my many negative medical experiences. I mean, when you become a "regular" at the Mayo Clinic's ER, it really makes you feel odd. I felt like I had to grow up so quickly in order to cope with the possibility that I could have a strong allergic reaction and never come back from it.
Unless I am feeling extremely confident in myself and my surroundings, I feel very insecure and fear that I will make some kind of social blunder. I think that this is part of the reason I use humor so much in everyday conversation. As an actor, I know how to use and hone my emotions. As a human with depression, off stage my emotions have a tendancy to use me. As one who suffers from OMOS in addition to depression and being an actor, I gotta be honest with all of you, I am not sure how I function.
Somehow, I do. However, this is a challenge I have been dealing with but never propperly addressing. I wanted to express my thoughts to you as I sit pensively in our cast van today.